So the constant battle with Mental Health is always an issue with me, with everyone i would assume.
Lets talk about my ‘Rabbit Hole’ that is how i describe my continued battle an struggle with mental health, if you can picture a rabbit warren, its all nice and light at the top and as you get lower and lower it turns into a darker, nastier place. Depression comes in different stages with me, first its just a real low mood, then it turns into a self destructive path where i am picking holes in my character and basically deconstructing myself as a person, then comes the ultimate slide where i can’t get out of bed and see the world as worthless and myself more worthless than the world i am in.
The last time i got to the really bad stage was when i was working at Tesco and there were a few changes and a few characters i didn’t seem to gel with and found it hard to work with them, so thats when i took 2 months of work and nearly quit all together due to the fact that things weren’t improving at work and i thought it was my fault but it was simply a butting of heads and everything just piled on top of me. So thats the last stage of depression for me, not wanting to get out of bed.
My story is always similar, i always get a low mood and its like a bit of a cycle, at one point i thought i was bi-polar but the doctors said, “Rob you’re not Bi-Polar, your lows aren’t low enough and your highs aren’t high enough” so i searched out ‘cyclothymia’ which simply is that my mood runs in cycles, so i thought that makes sense. I attempted to do 1-2-1 counselling and support but the assessor kept doing these tests on me for my mood and eventually, way before my 2nd appointment told me basically ‘you’re too happy to continue this treatment and discharged me from the list. So my treatment was discontinued.
Thats why i always rely on myself to get out of these cycles or my rabbit hole because i never seem to get the support i truly need from either medical professionals or close friends and family, it always seems to come from me working my own way through it and thats one of the reasons i blog to sort of file my thoughts and feelings.
I also do this to try and help people within the Gay Male community and also people that struggle with health and fitness as well as mental health as if i can help anyone going through anything that i am even if its only one person thats all the better.